Free Extreme Fiction


    "Hi God," I replied. I stood at the doorway separating the bathroom from the bedroom, and I thought, am I even going to be able to make it to that card table? I went to take a single step, and the pain that emanated from my back made me gasp.
    "Do you need help?" Susan asked. She still wore the dark blue vest with the lighter blue blouse and the panty hose and high heels.
    "I'm okay," I said. Mister Macho Man. I was in such pain I felt like dry heaving. "Sorry about stinking up the..."
    "I love it," she replied. "I love all smells. Every smell that exists. I drink smells in."
    Oh Christ, I thought. Here we go. She loves the smell...yeah right. "I'm starving," I said.
    "I've got something for you right here," she replied, indicating the snack table. "Would you like for me to prepare a plate for you?"
    "I'll do that. Thank you." I'll do it if I can think of a way to cross the floor without using my legs, I thought.
    "Are you certain you don't need my help?" Susan asked again, and this time I caught just the slightest edge of humor in her voice. She was having fun with me, having fun with her life, having fun with being alive.
    "Just hand me one of those plates," I replied. I crossed the room like my legs were tied together. I got to the snack table, Susan handed me a plate, and I dropped a couple of carrots and sticks of celery stuffed with cheese and pimento onto it. I saw a couple of shish-kabobby things with chunks of marinated meat and jalapenos held together by a thick, six-inch long toothpick. I grabbed a couple of those, too. A plastic tub filled with ice cubes and bottles of water took up the middle of the snack tray. Also, right in the middle of the table, sat a fifth of Stolichnaya Elite Vodka, which I knew from my days working the bars was roughly twice the cost of any another vodka on the market, and it was worth it. I grabbed a bottle of cold water, twisted off the cap, and swallowed it down.
    "You were thirsty," Susan said.
    "Of course I was." I dropped the empty bottle into what I figured was probably the recycling bin, then  grabbed a second bottle out of the tub. I sat across from Susan with my plate and my water, and I said, "Okay, let's get started. We're having a spolt date, right? A date at the speed of light?"
    She nodded. "I love the randomness of the game," she said. "I love randomness in general. I love the interplay between control and chaos."
    "We're going to cut the cards to see who goes first?"